You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
