Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
