i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They took my balls.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
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