i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
