It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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