i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
