Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
