I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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