her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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