Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
