I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
