Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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