Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
