it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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