wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
