wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
