i was born a porn star she said
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
