It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
