woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
