So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
