Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
