You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
