wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
