Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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