My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
