and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
