Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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