i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
