I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
