My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
