life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
