im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
