So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
