How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.