I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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