she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
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Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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