My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
