I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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