carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
