I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
