I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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