I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
