i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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