if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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