Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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