i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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