oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
