To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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