i don't like sucking hair
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
