I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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