Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
