So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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