I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
