There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
