just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
