Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
