maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
