shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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