i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
