who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
