i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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