More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
